Sometimes conflicts are bound to happen whether one likes it or not, and in this scenario usually one are put into a tough spot because attempting to solve this would usually require one to step out of their comfort zone and attempt to talk things out.
                 During my final year in polytechnic I had a very bad argument with one of my FYP groupmate, and to me he is one of my closest friends. The conflict started off simple , I was using my laptop to play a game during break and he walks up to me and ask to borrow it for a while. I agreed but said I will do so after my game , then in between another of my friends walks up and just used my laptop after asking even though I gave him the same response as I did for my groupmate  as I cannot really stop someone from just straight up taking my things from me. My groupmate saw this and got mad, as he said how come my other friend can borrow without waiting while he have to wait , he saw this as a sign of who I valued higher and started a Cold War with me before I got a chance to clearly explain the situation. He would then ignore me whenever I tried to talk or apologise for the situation for the next few days , which frustrates me as he was not like this in the past. The situation skyrocketed when a similar situation happened while we were eating a few days later. He finally talked to me so at first I thought maybe he had cooled down and was ready to reconcile. However instead he told me that maybe we should not be friends anymore as we see things differently. I did not take this well as was shocked and sad at the same time as how could our 3 year friendship end on such a trival matter. I was literally about to cry and have to excuse myself. The issue was not resolved for a month and the one that take action to solve it was him , as we had.a long conversation that lasted about 1 hour as we talked about various things as how the situation even occured in he first place , this time I was allowed to explain my self properly and we both share our side of the problem. It was then resolved and I feel that the bond between us grew even closer as a result. Turns out my groupmate was going through a rough time concerning his family at the time , and was not acting like himeself due to it. He acknowledged his fault in the problem and things were ok afterwards.

It takes  all parties to be understanding and willing to talk in order to resolve a conflict between people , as if my groupmate was not willing to confront me and talk the issue might have never been resolved.  I feel that we should try to resolve an issue as fast as possible as the month as not being able to talk to my groupmate while he was with the group most of the time was very uncomfortable for me. I believe that if both parties are understanding any issue can he resolved.

Comments

  1. JustinCOM150March 8, 2020 at 1:38 AM

    Hello Wei Ern, maybe your friend was affected by his own emotions and what he saw triggered him even more. I think your friend adopted the avoidance style of conflict management. He avoided the conflict and chose to have a cold war with you. I think this makes it hard for you to approach him in this manner. The best thing to do is to let him cool down and approach him on a later date. In the end it was good that you guys talked it out and applied the accommodating conflict management style. To lessen misunderstandings in the future you could be more assertive of your belongings or you could have asked the friend that borrowed your laptop to explain on your behalf. This could have made things better as your friend might be more willing to listen to your other friend then from you.

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  2. BoonMarch 8, 2020 at 7:07 AM

    Greetings Wei Ern,

    I do agree with you that all parties have to be willing to voice out their opinions in order to resolve the conflict that they have.

    If I have this situation with my friend, I would have tell him what had exactly happened on the spot. As you mentioned, he started to ignore you after that incident and leaving you no opportunity to talk about this matter and resolve it. Or maybe send him a message to explain the situation, at least he will know that I do not value the other friend more than him or vice versa. I knew many people chose avoidance when it comes to friendship conflict and that was how their friendship was ended. Luckily, your friend chose to talk things out after awhile.

    Glad that you managed to sort things out with your friend.

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  3. KhairilMarch 22, 2020 at 7:22 AM

    Hey Wei Ern,

    I agree that all parties should try to resolve the conflict as soon as possible and not to drag the situation even more as it may get worse and affected other people around them.

    If I were in this situation with my friend, perhaps I would have given him one or two days to cool down then approach him in order to solve the issue. Likewise you mentioned, he may distance himself or ignore you after that incident, but as you value your friendship, i would send him a text or a letter to show that you put in effort to turn things around.

    I feel that conflict in friendship helps to strengthen the bond between friends as parties talk things out and not drag till it became worse and not only affect each individual feeling but as a whole which could lead to many negative outcomes such as academic performance, etc.
    Apart from that, I'm glad that you managed to work things out with your friend.

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